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In his democracy day speech, President Buhari said the APC Government will LIFT 100 million Nigerians from poverty over the next 10 years. Buhari only has 4 more years to rule Nigerians so either his math is off (hello WAEC certificate) or he is bullish on the APC retaining power in 2023.

Bear in mind, the last thing Buhari LIFTED was the unemployment rate from 9.9% in Q3 2015 to 19% in Q3 2018. There are now 20 million Nigerians out of work. Our dear President also LIFTED more people into extreme poverty than anywhere else in the world.

But let’s have faith. When you have no more elections to run for you can take a few liberties like making outlandish promises to build castles in the sky. Here’s 5 ways Buhari and the APC can LIFT 100m people out of poverty.

5. Take up powerlifting

Powerlifter Larry Wheels

If you intend to LIFT 100m people, you have to make sure you have been building your strength in the gym. Buhari will have to eat 6 to 8 times a day and lift HEAVY weights 4 to 6 times a week. Somebody call the Guiness book of world records to meet us at Eagle Square in Abuja. Bring the cameras too.

4. Sprinkle Yeast on 100 million heads

Prosperity rising….

What makes dough rise? Yeast. Millions of Nigerians are poor and low on dough. Sprinkle sprinkle little star….

3. Call Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel is reportedly the strongest character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s been said she is so powerful, she can move planets. Buhari definitely needs her if he is going to LIFT 100 million people out of poverty

2 Resurrect, legalize, and fund MMM

Let’s face it, Ponzi schemes would be perfect if they didn’t run out of morons money. MMM changed so many lives but unfortunately, the system of robbing Aisha to pay Ashley just couldn’t last. Buhari can fix this by mandating the CBN to print money to keep MMM going. Legalize it and allow people to play it only once until you reach 100 million. Then shut it down.

1 Hypnosis

Many would say the 15 million people that reelected Buhari in February of this year despite the recession, higher unemployment, businesses folding up, and a weak security system, were probably under some form of hypnosis. Might as well keep the spell going and promise to LIFT 100 million of them out of poverty. They won’t know the difference.

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